The Beach
by dk2022
Summary: Kadaj is dragged to the beach by Tifa and Cloud, where he learns a life lesson. Tifa/Cloud shippyness involved.


Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters or places. This takes place in the 'White Tree Of Coloured Glass Hearts' universe, as created by my amazing beta (sister, and recipient of this fic) deltadasher. You don't need to read that fic at all, but she'll like you if you did. I'd like you if you read this. Anyway, enjoy, and review.

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Kadaj had been forced to the beach by Cloud and Tifa, those evil people. Costa Del Sol was full of people in skimpy clothes and wearing skimpier shoes. Everything was on show, apart from the manly man parts and the womanly woman parts; they were covered in bright, elasticised lamé, as was the fashion that year.

The part of the beach that they were lounging around on was almost completely deserted, apart from the trio of unlikely… well, friends wasn't really the right word, but would do for now. They were alone, with rocks shading them from the sun and the sea going on for miles and miles.

Tifa, in a suit that made Cloud walk funny in his flowery blue trunks, muttered that she was going to the little girls' room and that she'd be back in ten minutes.

Five minutes later, Cloud stood, rather awkwardly, and said, "Uh, stay here Kadaj. Don't kill anyone, or walk off."

Kadaj looked at him.

"I… Call of nature."

Ignoring him, Kadaj sat watching the sea. Some time later, after the sun had moved a little, Kadaj suddenly felt alone, in a, "Where the hell are they?" sort of way. Getting up, he followed Cloud's large footsteps, pretty much unmissable in the sand. They went behind the rocks, so Kadaj clambered up them. From his perch he saw… Something. He wasn't sure what though. Were they...?

Cloud and Tifa were hugging.

"Eww." Kadaj's lip curled in disgust. She was sat next to him, her arm around his shoulder with her face on his skin. His face was in her hair, his hand around her middle and stroking her like she was a cat. And she seemed to like it. Kadaj understood this because her face against his shoulder seemed to stay in one position, his eyes closing like when he had chocolate pudding. Cloud moved and soon he and Tifa were doing that thing that girls seemed to like.

Kadaj couldn't understand what was so great about swapping spit.

Now Tifa was laid on the sand with Cloud squishing her, her nails scoring down his back as if she was trying to get him away. Cloud seemed impervious and kept wriggling his head against his neck. His right hand was busily kneading her right breast, her bikini top forgotten. Her skin was really light where the material had been, so the lump on the curve of her breast stood out like sultanas on ice cream. _'She sounds ill,'_ he thought to himself as she moaned softly.

Cloud moved his head from her neck (_'He looks like something from those movies she likes to watch,'_) to her breast, and began sucking the sultana thing. Her hands flew to his head, looking as if to pull him away, her breathless gasps sounding alien to his ears. He then moved to the other, making those ill-sounding moans multiply.

Kadaj blinked and missed how she pinned him to the floor. _'I could do with a move like that,'_ he mused silently, gazing at Tifa's behind as it wiggled down Cloud's body.

_'What the--? Oh my God she's going to bite off his penis! He might be evil but even Cloud doesn't deserve to be amputated!'_

But he held her head there, and shifted his hips like he had an itchy bum. _'What the… oh God, I didn't need to see that! No wonder he walks like he does! How…?'_

Tifa's head kept moving up and down until Cloud pulled her hair. _'Oh, now she bites it off.'_ But no cry of pain came. Instead Tifa left Cloud's penis unharmed and sat on it.

_'What is it with them and squishing… Uh… Why is he moving her bikini bo—'_ Kadaj's eyes unfocused slightly as he watched Tifa take his penis into her hairy 'between her legs' place. They both cried out – maybe she had knives up there. Cloud's hands went to her front and Tifa threw her head back as if to scream. Her bottom kept hitting Cloud's legs, making their skin red.

Soon, Cloud was on top, with Tifa's feet on his shoulders. He was winning the fight! His bum moved backwards and forwards, making her ankles bounce slightly against his shoulders. He dipped his head, Kadaj couldn't see why, and Tifa suddenly yelped. _'Go Cloud!'_ Kadaj cheered silently in his head.

Suddenly, Cloud picked up speed and fell onto Tifa. _'Oh my Mother, she's killed him,'_ but soon he heard Cloud talking, albeit in gasps. Tifa brought her hand to his cheek and Kadaj watched as Cloud kissed it, tenderly, before moving to kiss her belly in the same manner – reverently.

Kadaj moved away and back to their campout space on the beach. He'd never be able to look them in the eye ever again.

--

_That night…_

Kadaj was laid in darkness when he felt something rub his ankle. It felt good. It moved up to his knees, making him squirm in much the same way as Cloud did on the beach. Passing his knee, he felt a warm, wet warmth around his suddenly erect penis when—

"Aaargh! Get it off me! Get it off me!"

"Kadaj, will you be quiet? Some of us are trying to eat penis!" Tifa asked from the door.

"What did you say?"

"Some of us are trying to sleep," she repeated. Kadaj relaxed slightly. "It was probably just a nightmare. Goodnight," she said, yawning.

"Yeah… Goodnight."

And that is why, to this day, Kadaj sleeps cupping his groin.


End file.
